Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

Routine Christmas

One of my favorite Christian comedians is Tim Hawkins.  I ran across this clip and was reminded of how we often sing words and don’t even think about what we are singing.

This Christmas, don’t let the routine get in the way of the meaning of Christmas.  Stop and think about it.  Remember that Christmas is the celebration of God’s stepping into this world physically in order to illustrate for us how we should live.

Christmas – Immanuel – God with us!

That is what we celebrate.

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Yesterday, as I was driving to Post, I saw a rather comical sight.  I was driving down the highway and saw a “Road Closed” sign for a crossroad.  The sign said, “Route 281 Closed, Find Alternate Route.”  Maybe it’s just me but I chuckled when I saw the sign.  Typically, when a road is closed, a detour is offered.

We have all seen signs like, “Highway 6 Closed, Follow Detour,” or something to that effect – but not in this instance.  If I had needed to turn down that crossroad, I would have been up a creek.  Basically, the message was – “We don’t care how you get where you are trying to go but you aren’t going this way.  You’re on your own!  Good luck.”

Aren’t you glad that on the journey to God, the pathway is clear.  If we ever get off track, all we have to do is remember Jesus’ words:  “I am the way . . . no one comes to the Father except by way of me.”  Jesus never said, “Bummer for you – you are on your own” but rather he made statements like: “Come to me” and “follow me.”

Just remember that life is full of curves and ups and downs, but your path is sure as long as you follow Jesus.

Be blessed today!


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Stretching is Necessary

With the weather being so pleasant over the past two weeks (and partly due to the inspiration of my youngest son) instead of getting my cardio exercise done on a machine in the gym, I have been beginning my workout each time by running outside.  I mapped off a mile and decided I would start with that.  For the last two weeks that has worked well.

Until yesterday.  I was in the home stretch – the last 100 yards, when my right calf began to tighten.  I finished my run but my leg was beginning to really hurt.  I went back into the gym to finish my lifting routine but couldn’t do the leg press station because of the pain in my leg.  I finally gave up and took a shower.  I limped the rest of the day.

Last night, I was giving my son a hard time by blaming him for my pain.  He took it in stride but then asked me, “Did you stretch before you ran?”

I have to admit, I grew up playing sports and we always had to stretch before we did anything.  But yesterday I did very little stretching before setting out for my run.

He is probably right – the pain in my leg may very well be the result of my failure to prepare to run.  Stretching loosens the muscles and warms them up before they are put to use.  Had I stretched,  I might not be limping today.

As I have reflected on my experience, I was reminded that God sometimes stretches us.  And similar to the athlete stretching before activity, God’s stretching is preparing us for what is to come – making us ready to be of use in God’s plan.

So if you are going through a period of “stretching” today, just remember, God just might be preparing you for important service.  Take heart – God is in control.

And – if you see a fat guy limping around today, please have pity, it’s probably me.

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Monday Morning Even on Tuesday

I set my alarm early this morning to get up and have my prayer and reading time and then to write a truly inspired and inspiring blog post for today.

Instead, I turned the alarm off and thought, “I will just lay here and pray.”  Yeah, that didn’t work!  I turned over again and realized, “Now I’m late!”  So I jumped up, ran to make sure my sons were up and getting ready and then got myself ready.

I got ready just in time to begin the rat race that is taking kids to school.

So much for an inspired blog post.  It just goes to show you it can be Monday morning, even on Tuesday!

Hope you have a blessed Mon . . Tuesday!

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Bloody Knuckles

There was a game we used to play as kids.  It was called “Bloody Nuckles.”  Anyone remember the game?  This will show my age but remember the day when if you were cool you carried a comb with a handle in your back pocket?  If you were really cool, your comb had a long enough handle that it stuck out just a little bit above the top of your pocket.

It was just a guy thing, but the game was a reflex game.  One person would hold out his hand, make a fist and then balance the comb across the back of his hand.  The object was for the other guy to grab the comb and whack the hand with it before the other guy could pull away.  If you flinched and dropped the comb it meant a free hit across the knuckles.

Quite the sadistic game I know but I confess – it was the thing to do (what can I say, I grew up in a town that had little to do).

I thought I had outgrown such childish and painful games but I have recently found a grown-up guy game that is just as sadistic and painful.  Most people call it plumbing repair under the kitchen sink but I know better – it is just a form of the old game Bloody Knuckles.

Do you have any home improvement war stories?  I would love to hear them – it might make me feel less of a failure!

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Yesterday I had to make a flying trip (literally) to El Paso to finalize the details for our upcoming mission trip to the area.  As I was boarding the plane to head home, I was behind a gentleman who was having a little difficulty managing his carry-on bags.  He had a roll-on bag and then a camera bag.  He was holding the camera bag by the strap as he attempted numerous times to place his larger bag in the overhead compartment.  I was 3 people behind him in line and couldn’t help, and unbeknownst to him, each time he attempted to wedge the bag into it’s unwilling home for the ride, his camera bag swung around and hit an elderly lady in the head who was already seated in the row in front of him.

The patient woman did nothing except smile at me as if to say, “Somebody please do something.”  From where I was standing, I could do nothing but smile back.  Inside I wanted to burst out laughing.  I mean the bag wasn’t really smacking her around – otherwise, doing nothing would have been insensitive and just wrong.  The bag was barely brushing her hair as she dodged it each time it swung around her head but it was still hilarious to watch.

As I sat through the flight, the picture of the bag swinging around and the helpless look of the elderly lady kept coming to mind.  Once I got over my immature side and began to think about the scene, I wondered how many times I have been unaware of imposing on others.

How often has my insensitivity toward those around me caused problems for someone else?  We are called to love God with all our hearts, minds and strength and to love others as ourselves.  This means we must be concerned about how our actions impact those around us.

Moral of the story: be careful when putting your luggage into the overhead compartment – or – pay attention to your actions and how they impact others, you may be the only Jesus that person sees today.

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If you read my post last Thursday, you know that Kristi and I got away to celebrate 2o years of marriage.  In my planning for our time together, I wanted to have at least one romantic meal.  I did my research and even emailed the San Antonio Visitors center to get some ideas.  After all that, I decided on a restaurant that would be the perfect choice.  I even made reservations to ensure that our evening would be memorable.

We took a cab to the area and arrived early to make sure that we could find the site of our candle light experience.  Promptly at 7:30, we walked up to the hostess and I said rather smugly, “We are the Hill’s and we have a reservation for 2.”

The hostess picked up two menus and asked us to follow her to our special table.  It did not take too long, as we strolled through a restaurant of empty tables, to figure out that we were the only ones in the joint.  As I looked around, I could see a sheer curtain separating our fine dining from the breakfast buffet line.  Come to find out, we were in a hotel restaurant in downtown San Antonio – and yes, we were the only ones there!

What I thought was going to be a fine dining experience in an eclectic, romantic atmosphere, turned out to be something similar to a trip to Denny’s with candles and linen napkins.  Not what I had envisioned at all!  Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy Denny’s as much as the next guy, but not for a romantic dinner to celebrate 20 years of wedded bliss!

Kristi was a great sport – I think she could see my embarrassment and disappointment.  But the one good thing about being married for 20 years, when it was all said and done, we had a great time and now we have a humorous memory of our romantic evening in San Antonio.

Have you ever had a “date” with your spouse that didn’t turn out as you planned?

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Have you ever known someone whose given name reflected their occupation or career?  Such as Mr. Farmer who farms for a living or Mrs. Cook who works in the school cafeteria?

Last night we spent some time in the emergency room at the hospital with family friends whose son was in a car accident yesterday afternoon.  No one was seriously injured but our friends’ son cut his hand badly and needed surgery last night.  I was in the room when the surgeon came in and introduced himself.  When he told us his name, I knew what my post would most likely be today.  His name . . . Dr. Mulligan.  My questionable sense of humor nearly got the better of me but I was able to restrain my wit until we reached the waiting room.

For those of you not familiar with golf, and the way people like me play the game, a “mulligan” is what you call for when you hit a bad shot and you request to hit another.  In formal play, a mulligan is not allowed but the way I play, we try to keep it to one or two per 9 holes.  At any rate, a mulligan is a “do over.”

Maybe its just me, but I found it quite comical that the surgeon performing the procedure was named, Dr. “Do Over.”

However, he was excellent.  He had an immediate connection with the patient and did a great job informing and calming everyone in the room.  The surgery was a great success and his ability carried into the waiting room after the procedure as well.  He was outstanding.

Here is my thought for today: we don’t choose our name – we are born with it.  We don’t chose where we are born or to whom.  But we do have the ability to choose how we will live and what kind of difference we will make in this world.

I challenge you today, regardless of what life seems to have dealt you, to make a positive and real difference in someone else’s life before you go to bed tonight.

Let me know how that goes.

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Living in the Light

When you have three kids, the word schedule becomes an illusive term.  When they were born, the word schedule meant that there were times to feed and times to sleep and times to play.  Now that they are older, those elements still exist, but it is harder to keep them tied to any particular schedule.  In fact, it seems to change from season to season and sport to sport.

We are currently in basketball season.  As such, because of the age of the kids, two of the boys have practice before school.  So that makes for some early mornings.  I normally take the boys to school so that means getting up and getting ready for the day in the dark so as not to wake Kristi.

This morning  I got up and made my way to the boys’ rooms to make sure they were up and getting ready.  Their lights were on and so my eyes adjusted to the brightness of morning.  But as I made my way back through the house to my room, my eyes were having trouble re-adjusting to the dark.  As I walked through our bedroom toward our bathroom I headed to where the door has been for the last seven plus years.  But because my eyes were not adjusted to the dark,  I navigated right into the wall – missed the opening by a foot!

(Kristi, if the thud of my head on the wall woke you, I apologize – but don’t panic, I’m fine.)

I am reminded that living in the light is so much better (and often less painful but not always) than living in the dark.  The contrast between light and dark is a  major theme in the Bible.  In fact, Jesus said, “I am the light of the world.”  You can read it here.  Jesus came to give us light – to show us how to live.  Without him, we would most likely be running into walls all the time.

Seek to live in the light today!

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After yesterday’s Tough Topic Tuesday, I thought I would ramble a bit about the amusing aspects of air travel.  (Wow, that sentence had all the alliteration of a good sermon).  I have been traveling quite a bit over the past two weeks and have had the opportunity to be reminded of the funny things we do when we fly.

It begins with the trip to the airport.  We rush around and fret over getting to the terminal early.  And when we arrive what do we do?  We wait!  Peculiar!

We get all dressed up to fly with our business casual dress, freshly showered and well groomed and then we get to security and what do we have to do?  Undress!  Peculiar!

I think airports should have locker rooms, inside security, with all the amenities.  Then we could get up in the morning, get in the car, drive to the airport in our pajamas, go through security, and then get ready for the day – just an idea.

We finally get on the plane and take off for what normally is the only stress-free leg of the journey.  But as soon as we land what do we do?  We rush to get off the plane, getting frustrated with the person in front of us when they have trouble retrieving their bag from the storage compartment.  We rush through the terminal to be the first to baggage claim only to do what?  Wait some more!  Peculiar!

But when it is all said and done, I still prefer flying to driving on trips over 5 hours.  When you think about it, it’s pretty amazing to think that I can be sitting in a comfortable chair 32,000 feet in the air somewhere over Texas, traveling at 300+ miles per hour and writing this post all at the same time.

So I think I will live with the peculiarity – and even contribute to it at every opportunity!

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